When drawing up your guest list, exercise tact and diplomacy, and always keep the four Cs in mind: Consideration, Communication, Compromise and Courtesy.  

Usually the guest list is split 50/50 between the bride and groom’s family, and the total number of guests is largely determined by the person(s) paying for the wedding. If it’s the bride and groom who are covering the bill, then they should make a firm decision on the size of their guest list before asking their parents for their input on who should be invited. 

The best way to start the process is to begin by developing four lists; the bride’s, the groom’s, the bride’s parents and the groom’s parents. Eventually, these will be merged into one Master List. Don’t forget the spouses or partners of each invited guest, the parents of the ring bearers and flower girls, the person who performs the ceremony and their spouse, and if you had one, the guests from the bridal shower (unless it was a shower at work.) Compile a “B” list of guests to invite should you receive regrets. However, only send invites out to your “B” list if you can guarantee that they’ll arrive at least four weeks prior to the wedding.

If you are planning to invite children, their names must be included on the invitation. Do not state “and family” on the invitation, or you may end up with more people than you bargained for. If children are not invited, do not write “no children” on the invitation, as it sounds negative. Some cultures consider children a necessary part of the celebration. Make your decisions based on what would be the best reflection of you and your partner’s past and your future together. 

Be tactful and sensitive when considering step-parents and extended family members.  Anticipate potential problems in advance and let consideration be your guide. Make your decisions based on preserving the important relationships in your lives.  Always remember, compromise is key!

Louise Fox, The Etiquette Lady